Microsoft's Festive Knitwear Frightens Babies: A Christmas Tale
January 2, 2026
Microsoft's latest line of holiday-themed sweaters has turned out to be more frightening than festive, at least according to the experience of the winner of The Register's 2025 Christmas competition. The lucky winner, Wolfetone, snagged a quirky Windows-themed jumper earlier this month after suggesting that Microsoft's peak was marked by its infamous paperclip assistant, Clippy. His promise to wear the sweater for the birth of his second child was enough to seal his victory.
However, the arrival of Wolfetone's new baby came unexpectedly early, and while he expressed delight at donning the "second worst item" in his wardrobe, his newborn didn't seem to share the sentiment.
"He starts crying when I try to hold him while wearing the jumper," Wolfetone shared. "Make of that what you will."
The Baby's Unsettling Reaction
It's unclear what exactly unsettles the little one most. The sweater features nostalgic logos like the MS-DOS prompt and the MSN butterfly, which evoke a simpler era of computing. Yet, the sight of Internet Explorer and the unblinking gaze of Clippy—whose eyes seem to stare directly into the future of Microsoft's AI-driven assistant—may be too much for such a young mind.
The Nostalgic but Eerie Design
The MS-DOS logo and MSN butterfly are charming relics of the past, but Clippy's unsettling stare might be what truly unsettles the baby. That gaze, perhaps symbolic of Microsoft's future ambitions with Copilot, seems to unsettle even the most seasoned tech enthusiasts.
A Festive Tribute or Tech Nightmare?
While the sweater serves as a humorous homage to Microsoft's history, the response from the newborn suggests it might be better suited for display rather than daily wear. Sadly, you can't throw a sweater into the wash to erase the memories of Redmond's latest emissions—digital or otherwise.
Despite the initial horror, there's hope that Wolfetone Junior will soon warm up to his knitwear nightmare—or perhaps develop a newfound appreciation for the strange charm of Microsoft's holiday apparel.
Final Thoughts
It's safe to say Microsoft's festive sweaters are making a memorable impact—though perhaps not in the way the tech giant intended. Whether these garments become family heirlooms or cautionary tales, one thing's certain: they generate quite the holiday buzz.